Crafting Rhea Style

I love crafting and I'll make time for it even when I have other things to do, because procrastination is the spice of life! But the problem with procrastination is you can't do it forever, so at some point you have to do the real work. So I accidentally invented crafting hour for myself. I've never timed it it could be 10 minutes for all I know or 2 hours, who knows? Only the clock... that I apparently never look at. 

I'm very picky and my logic doesn't always make sense, so I have started making my own wreaths. Let me explain that sentence. I say I don't like big, gaudy wreaths, but I made one for Easter that I love that might be called gaudy or at least colorful and messy. I don't like bows on my wreaths, maybe it's because I can't tie them evenly so I'm mad at them, maybe it's because I don't like bows in my hair, who knows? Only the clock... wait...

Anyway, this is not to say I don't like your wreath, I love your wreath. I like your door to represent you. If you like bows put 100 of them on there and if you like covering your whole door that's awesome! Go for it! 

Easter wreath. Bunnies!

This story is about my winter/Christmas/whatever we're calling it wreath. I was trying to lead more towards winter so it could stay up til Mardi Gras but it's got a bit of red and green in it so we shall see how I feel in a month. 

I had no idea what I wanted to make, so I wandered through the dollar store. 

Side note: Be careful when hanging out in the dollar store, you never know when an old person is going to run into the building (not through it and from what I heard they were okay, didn't hear about the car) and knock 2-liters off the shelves (luckily no one was by those shelves). 

Walking down the little craft aisle I saw 3 wreath forms/circles/doodads tied together. Sweet! 3 different sized circles for $1 (not really but we'll get to that in a second) to make a snowman, perfect. I know I'm not the first person to think of this idea, but it still came to me because of this find. All in that moment I thought, "Yes! I'll give it a hat and some snow and some glitter! It'll be perfect." I don't think in commas, forgive me. I go to check out and the cashier says, "Oh someone needs to cut the ribbon on these wreath things, they're $1 a piece. Is that ok?" And of course it was because you can't even get one wreath thingy anywhere for $3 much less 3 of them! 

I tie the small and medium one together with some yarn (white cause it's like snow, even though no one will see the yarn... and cause it's what I own). And he just sits there for days looking sad cause I won't finish him. (Sorry, dude, life happens.) 

I get my big bag of Buffalo Snow, comes from the same animals that Buffalo Wings come from... I swear look it up... no, don't. Just believe me. Anyway, I get my big bag of Buffalo Snow and start pulling at it and then I realize I don't have my hot glue gun ready and that Geoff stole it! Just kidding, but it was in the shed because he was using it. I fire it up and then start trying to figure out how I want to put the snow on the frame. OH! At this point I've already decided I didn't like it with the 3 circles so I'm only using the 2, probably cause I got used to him sitting there as 2 circles for a week. 

I start rolling a bit of the snow in my hand like it's a snowball and TA-DA! He's going to be a snowman made of snowballs, cause why not, it's not like I get to roll real snowballs here. (I can barely wear a long sleeve shirt these days!) I like this better than the first attempt to snake it across the frame, it looked too spider webby. Speaking of spider webs: 

Dear Hot Glue,

I love you and you're really helpful but must you spiderweb across my fingers while I'm trying to work? Also, must you burn me ever 14 seconds to prove you are hot, it's in your name, I get it. 

With love and hate, 

Rhea

Hot glue art. 

Back to reality: I then grab the hat for his head (which already had a red squiggly stripe across it for when I used it for the Red Dress Run. I add to the squiggly stripe (made of puff paint) with more puff paint so I can dump glitter on it. I swear Geoff wants more glitter all over this house, the internet told me so. 

Now it's time for the snowflakes!

You know how you can tell I got these snowflakes at the dollar store?

"All snowflakes are different." -Geoff and science 

Also they like to bend and look melted before I even touch them with the hot glue gun, that's a special talent. 

Another fun trick is trying to make holes in the hat because you're going to string something through it (yarn? ribbon?) to get the hat to stay on his head but you keep touching the puff paint and remembering it's not dry yet. Yes, it takes 4 times to remember this and now you don't have to paint your fingernails because you have red on them. I ended up cutting the hat in half, putting little holes in the back of the cut hat and stringing yarn through those holes and and around the wreath (but where you can't see it cause the snow blocks it). Does that make sense? 

Now to really craft like me, start talking to yourself to the beat of the music and realize how crazy you sound. Only to remember you're home alone... except that you and Geoff have named the Christmas tree and he's a shrink. Maybe I should lay off the eggnog already. 

The finishing touch is his scarf, I didn't know what to use and once again the dollar store rescued me! They had adorable plaid ribbon that reminded me of a scarf, then I got jealous cause he could wear a scarf and I'm pushing my long sleeves up because I'm warm and there's an adorable hat in my purse wanting me to wear it but I can't so I carry it around with me hoping it cools off enough in the evening to put it on. 

Long story short: To craft like me wander around a store like a crazy person til you get an idea, glue that thing together like a crazy person, dance around and talk to yourself like a crazy person (did I not mention the dancing? I had Christmas music on and I was done with classes minus finals, I danced), and then have a cute craft. 

Even shorter version: Be a crazy person. 

Shortest version: 

I TOUCHED KETCHUP AND I DIDN'T CRY!

	Cake Ingredients:
2	cups	flour
2	tsp	baking powder
1 1/2	tsp	cinnamon
1	tsp	baking soda
1/2	tsp	ground nutmeg
1/2	tsp	ground ginger
1/2	cup	ketchup (I didn't use Heinz, sorry recipe makers!)
1/2	cup	water
1	Tbsp	red food coloring (I used less, but I also used the thicker kind)
3/4	cups	softened butter
1 1/2	cup	packed dark brown sugar
2		eggs
		Frosting Ingredients:
6	oz	softened brick of cream cheese (I used 8 oz. cause that's how it's sold and yum!)
3/4	cup	softened butter
1	tsp	vanilla extract
4	cups	confectioner's sugar (I eyeball it til I get the texture I want and I call it powdered sugar)

As many of my friends and family know (apparently I should keep my mouth shut) I hate ketchup, it's my least favorite edible thing. As a joke Geoff bought me a shirt that says, "I put ketchup on my ketchup" and I'm still looking for one that says, "I put ketchup on my catsup" because that is funnier to me, if you find it the reversed way still let me know (it's still funny). 

Back in August I had a birthday, as I have every August since I can remember, there was a party because that is what people do. Some people brought presents, most of the present were great and I do not expect presents so I appreciate anyone gave me one and appreciate people just for showing up to the party. Two, NOT ONE, but two of my friends thought it would be funny to give me ketchup. One friend's present was a tub of Dubble Bubble, half gum/half ketchup packets from Arby's, those cool ones where you can squeeze or open and use from the packet, cool if I used ketchup that is. Fine. That's funny. Ha. Ha. The other ketchup present was a 7 lb. 3 oz. can of ketchup! A baby of ketchup, if you will. I didn't even want to open this can, ever, can you imagine the smell? The look? Ugh! 

Instead of throwing it out, cuz that would be wasteful and rude, I regifted (sort of) which is also rude sometimes, but this was funny and funny makes up for rude (most of the time). This same friend's birthday was in October, so I swore I was making ketchup cake. His wife informed me that he did not believe I would make the ketchup cake. 

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. 

My preliminary supplies list (in my head) read:

1. Gloves

2. Mask

3. WHY DO I STILL NOT OWN AN APRON?!

I usually bake on Thursdays, it just has always worked out that way. The Thursday before the party, I am convinced I will make this cake. I clear the kitchen of anything that I might not want ketchup on (everything) like somehow opening an aluminum can will just explode everywhere (knowing me it would fall off the counter onto my feet, not really caring about the physical pain the can would cause, but more of the feel of ketchup between my toes, ick). The point of this paragraph is to tell you, I did not bake on Thursday. I'm terrified of ketchup. 

On Friday I did bake, I had to, I was running out of days! I paced around the kitchen staring at the can of ketchup, I finally grab the can opener, I decide I should have a movie on it will distract me more. I decide on Shaun of the Dead,because duh it makes sense (not just because this birthday present was going to a birthday/Halloween party but because this much ketchup is bound to look like movie blood). I OPEN THE CAN! Seriously, it feels like forever, have you ever used a can opener on a 7lb. 3oz. can of anything? It feels forever... it was probably the contents making me feel this way. 

Now that the ketchup is opened we can make the cake! Yay cake! 

(Look at the size of this thing!)

I did nothing to invent this cake, I googled ketchup cake and there it was, telling me it would taste like a spice cake and that it wasn't scary at all (I was still scared).

If you want to ignore my nonsense (too late now!) go here:

http://www.heinzketchup.com/RecipeDetail.aspx?id=1438 If not I will now proceed to copy and paste the recipe, Heinz can keep the credit I am not trying to steal it! 

Oh! I did change one thing, I put cupcake papers in the cupcake tins and made cupcakes. #cupcakes

Cake Instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease two 9-inch round cake pans and line the bottoms with parchment paper. Stir the flour with the baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda, nutmeg and ginger into a bowl. In a separate bowl, combine Ketchup, water, and red coloring. Set aside. (I had a picture of the Ketchup, red dye, water concoction, it was gross looking and the picture has disappeared.)
2. In a large bowl using an electric mixer, beat the butter and then blend in the sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs. Add the flour and Ketchup mixtures and beat on low, scraping down the bowl as needed, until combined. Increase the speed to medium-high and beat for 1 minute.
3. Divide the batter evenly between the prepared pans. Bake for 30 minutes or until the center springs back when touched lightly. Cool the cakes for 15 minutes before turning onto a rack to cool completely. (I think baking took a little less time then this, just remember to check.) 

Frosting Instructions: 

1. With an electric mixer on medium speed, beat the cream cheese, butter, and vanilla for 2 minutes or until smooth. On low, gradually beat in the sugar, scraping the bowl as needed. Beat on high until fluffy.
2. Frost between the cake layers and over the sides and top of the cake. 

I do love cream cheese and I had no idea what frosting would go with this cake otherwise, so I just followed the recipe. 

(Look for the eyes!)

Extra bonus level: Decorations for the cupcakes to make them more festive, if you care about that here are the instructions (or ignore and decorate however you want... or don't and just eat):

Candy Instructions:

Grease a cookie sheet.

Stir the 1 1/2 cups of corn syrup, 3 3/4 cups of sugar, & 1 cup of water together. Cook over medium heat and keep stirring until the sugar is all dissolved. Then bring it to a boil, where you DO NOT stir it but let it get to 300-310 degrees (this part makes me so nervous, I hate not stirring). Now I didn't add any flavor or color this time (I've made red Sriracha flavored and attempted green pickle but you couldn't taste it! The pickle did make pretty green glass which is where I decided this was a good idea, plus I've seen other cupcakes do it) anyway if you were to add flavor you stir it in now after taking it off the heat. Now pour onto greased cookie sheet (you can dust it with powdered sugar if you'd like, I've done it both ways). 

Once it cools get a clean object and beat up the candy to crack it like a windshield (I used the bottom of a butter knife, just be careful whatever you use, I am not responsible for any injuries except my own... which happen... usually burns though). 

Chocolate Blood Instructions:

I didn't really measure anything I just poured some corn syrup into a bowl and a little red food coloring, didn't like the texture or the color so I added some chocolate powder and it worked, plus now you have one more flavor going onto this insane concoction. 

Now that I have once again talked typed your ear off... I can tell you, the consensus seems that it has a spice/carrot cake taste and they're not terrible. I will never make them again, but it was an interesting experience. 

P.S. I had no idea what to do with the rest of the ketchup, so I made a BBQ sauce (googled for a recipe) and then I had to throw the rest out (sorry ketchup lovers and people who look down on me now cause I wasted so much). I wasn't sure if I could put 5-6 lbs. of ketchup down the drain so I put it in a trash bag and that's all I have to say about that.